Friday Funny – Air Guitar

In 1992, my father, who had started a church and had been at that same church for 16 and a half years, left the church after some incredibly painful events and false accusations. That was an interesting time for our family and ended up putting us on the streets, eventually landing us on the side of my Aunt’s house in Mission Viejo (Orange County), California, living in a motor home. During that time my pops got hot on trying to find another job. Immediately, he was approached by 5 different churches who wanted to hire him as their pastor. Each church was unique but for the most part full of incredible people who loved Jesus. It’s just the methods that some of these churches were using to reach others were (shall we say) a bit dated, or at the very least, unorthodox.

For instance, one of these churches had an usher who was a little overweight and was passing out the offering plate with a shirt that was a bit short and didn’t quite cover his extremely huge belly. For a 14 year old kid, this was too much to handle. That same church had a deacon who got up to pray for said offering and proceeded to (before his prayer) let the congregation know that he got his suit off of a dead man. We weren’t sure what he meant by that. My thought at the time was “Did he exhume a body and steal the suit from a corpse, or did he attend an open casket funeral, love the suit the dead guy was wearing, wait for no one to be looking, and jack the suit?”. Still not sure to this day what he meant, but it was pretty hysterical.

The final straw was the church that my dad would end up pastoring at. This church was in a rural city just north of the San Diego County, Riverside County border. The church had been established in 1950 but had recently experienced a moral fall-out by their pastor. He got the boot of course and 30 people were left with really no leadership and a heap of baggage. But they were a bunch of incredibly sweet people. We walked in, were greeted and ended up choosing the first row to settle in for the service. That would end up being a mistake. You see, the worship band consisted of a lead female vocalist sporting a moo-moo dress over spandex (not the best call for her let alone anyone who is ushering people into God’s throne room through song on a Sunday morning). Her sub par vocals were accompanied by a drum machine, a bass guitar, an out-of-tune piano and (this was the best part)…a guy (actually the husband of moo-moo dress lady) was on the back of the stage rocking an (of all things) “air guitar”. Let me tell you, he was passionately rocking that thing. It was as if he had an actual electric guitar in his hands. Pops and I were so confused. We had never seen anything quite like what we were witnessing. In fact, nothing compared to the absurdity that we were viewing. But the dude was getting after it…shamelessly I might add.

So what do you think pops and I were doing as we were witnessing this? Of course, we were laughing…hard! My pops tried to do everything he could to get me to stop laughing (because then he would stop). He told me to bite my lip, close my eyes, focus on Jesus…whatever it took…he just wanted me to stop. And NOW you know why it was a bad idea to sit on the front row of a church of 30 people, on the day that my dad was preaching and candidating for a job that he needed so desperately. I pulled it together and thankfully we didn’t offend anyone. But it was funny. And it was something that I will never forget. Thankfully, when my dad took the job, he overhauled the worship ministry. He got rid of moo-moo dress wearing lady and her air guitar rocking husband.

When you grow up in a pastor’s home, you see crazy things…I’ll write a book one day to share all my experiences. For now, this one will have to suffice. Word to the wise, don’t rock an air guitar in your worship service. It’s a bad idea. Bad things happen like 14 year old boys who see it and can’t stop laughing.

 

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