This week can definitely be classified as an atypical week for the Proffitt family but it seems as though these weeks are becoming more and more frequent as our lives go on. For those of you who don’t know, Ashlee and I found out we were pregnant (for the 5th time) two weeks ago. Yep, that’s right, 5 times Ashlee has conceived. Our first we miscarried at 8 weeks. Our second was Drew. Our third was Aaden who we lost to SIDS at 5.5 weeks. Our fourth was Asher (who is a complete nut job, but the cutest little guy in the whole world). (This is him after getting into the markers on Wednesday). And now we are on round 5. What a joy it was (well, Ashlee was a bit disappointed in me at first but I told her “babe, it takes two to Tango”) and what a roller coaster it has been this week. I think many just don’t quite understand what goes into the miracle of child birth. Read up on it sometime, it will give you a greater perspective of God.
Every pregnancy we’ve had has been full of its unique challenges. For obvious reasons, Ashlee struggles with a lot of fear and uncertainty throughout the process. On Tuesday afternoon, she found some blood. That was accompanied by a lower back pain, one that she hadn’t felt since our first pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage. After all of the tragedy that we’ve been through, it’s hard not to in that moment fear and believe the worst was happening (it’s at this point where many would quote a Bible verse to us, and tell us that God is in control, and say “yeah, what’s that one verse…you know? Oh, I remember, Romans 8:28!” – Ahh yes, the obligatory Rom828 reference. And we would respond, “YEP! That’s right!” And trust me, we believe that verse wholeheartedly (ironically enough, I was studying that passage out on Tuesday morning because I’m going to be teaching it at Aletheia sometime mid December) but in that moment, our flesh takes over.
We both sat down on our bed in shock, disbelief; our eyes welled up with tears. Going through my head in that moment was “How in the world are we going to get through this again?” and “How am I going to get Ashlee through this one?” (Because after all we had been through, my counsel was getting a little tired and worn out – I had already pulled all the stops out in the past – what else did I have left to say?). We just sat in silence. God gave me a sense of peace (and Ashlee too) even though I really did expect the worst.
After a few moments to get past the shock, I called the doctor to get Ashlee in ASAP because if you’ve gone through a miscarriage before, you know that sitting on the possibility of a miscarriage not knowing for more than an hour is not really my idea of fun. They got my hopes up by saying they could probably get us in that day, but 15 minutes went by and the receptionist called me back and said “Sorry, we’re going to extend the torture for you and get you in tomorrow at 9am” (She might have not said that but that’s all I heard). Meanwhile, Ashlee didn’t have any more bleeding the rest of the night even though every time she went to pee our hearts stopped beating until we’d find out that everything looked normal.
To try and take our mind off of things, I got the whole family out of the house and I tried to think about what Ashlee would like to do the most. She loves getting new things for the house and we have needed a new trash can for our kitchen for about a year now. So guess what? We were going to get a new trash can. And you know how much that stainless steel – no finger print – trash can cost? 50 bucks. 50 buck! For a trash can? Yep! That’s right. I bought my wife a 50 dollar trash can because that’s what she wanted. Best 50 bucks I have spent in a long time. Ashlee was smiling. We were all smiling. Then, I thought of my wife’s favorite place to eat: Texas Road House! She loves the rolls that they bring you before you even get comfortable in your seats. Have you ever tried those rolls? They are exquisite. Expensive meal? Kind of. Worth it? Better believe it. Best 30 bucks I spent on a meal in a long time. Ashlee was smiling. We were all smiling and hopeful and praying.
That night we came home and put the boys to bed. Ashlee was exhausted after the emotionally draining day. She laid down on the couch and took a nap while I tried to get the new iMac that my church family at Aletheia got me for “Pastor Appreciation” month. The computer is so amazing but I am so technologically illiterate, and my patience was wearing thin that night, so I got up, threw on some work out clothes and went for a 7.5 mile bike ride around my neighborhood in the brisk Florida fall night. It was close to 10pm. I knew I wasn’t going to sleep that night anyways and I needed to get away and pray and wrestle with God. And that’s exactly what I did. I prayed that God would give me a sign (sometimes that is how God has spoken to me in the past). But this time, he didn’t give me a sign, just peace. He didn’t assure me by letting me know that our baby was still alive. No, he just gave me peace. So I went back home, got Ashlee in bed and we prayed together. Ashlee fell right to sleep. I, on the other hand, laid in bed, preparing myself for a long night.
Morning came a little slower than I would have liked. Ashlee woke up to a little more bleeding. The anxiety quickly came again. I kept begging God for a miracle. We got dressed and headed to the doctor’s office. I used social media to ask everybody to pray for a miracle with me. That’s what many of you prayed for. The sonogram technician was ready for us. She laid Ashlee down and got to work. I sat down next to Ashlee, put my face in my hands and pleaded with Jesus one last time. I still didn’t have a good feeling that our baby was alive. And then this is what we heard and saw:
When I saw our baby move and heard that heart beat pumping loudly and quickly (is it a girl?) I pumped my fist as hard as I could (it was like I just won the big game) and I think I might have clapped as well. Ashlee sat there quietly with a smile on her face. She later told me that she felt like everything would be okay. I was hesitant to ask her because I didn’t want her to think that I didn’t think it was looking too good. Here is my hero with our peanut:
It was a miracle. Our baby was alive. We rejoiced. I made some calls, put some posts on twitter and facebook, and we breathed a sigh of relief. Tragedy was averted this time around. Our baby was alive, healthy, and coming to us on May 30th. Thanks to all of you who prayed on our behalf. We feel like God performed a miracle. After all was said and done, we still believe that whatever the outcome was, God would have still been faithful. But let me tell you, we are pretty overjoyed that outcome was a living baby, who is developing properly in his/her mama’s belly. Praise Jesus!
It was a crazy week. Even our drier was possessed at one point…
#IAAJ (It’s All About Jesus)