My thoughts on Asher

As I think back to the births of my first two sons, I can honestly say that I took a lot of things for granted. I really didn’t pay much attention to the boys when they were hanging out in mom’s belly. I just figured what I couldn’t see really wasn’t a part of my life yet. But my thinking couldn’t have been any further from the truth. And I really have tried to intentionally be different this time around. I know that Ashlee and I both feel like Asher is already such a huge part of our family. in fact, we have both commented recently how it seems like he is already here, the way we refer to him, talk about him, bring him up to Drew as if he were with us (I can’t imagine what goes through Drew’s little 2 year old brain when we are talking to him about a little brother that he can’t see, but I guess he’s used to that anyways).

I am getting really excited about the arrival of our third born son Asher Nathaniel. Really, he will be here any day. The time is near. And there is so much that I will not take for granted this time around. My goal is to intentionally enjoy every moment from when I see the crown of his head for the first time, to the first glance of his wet body as he comes out of mommy, to the sound of his first cry, to the sight of his little eyes (if they are anything like mine were, we won’t be able to see his eyes for a few months), to packing him up in the car for the first time as we come home from the hospital, to tucking him in his cradle for the first time, to changing his first nasty diaper (not sure how much I can enjoy that), etc… I think you get the point.

When you lose a child like we tragically did over a year ago now, your perspective changes as you can imagine. Don’t get me wrong, I still have moments where I neglect to savor certain moments with Drew (my 2 year old), but in the back of my mind now is that ever-present question, what if Drew was not here? What if Drew wouldn’t have lived past five weeks? That usually hits me in the face pretty hard after I’ve been mean to him or after I have told him to leave me alone because I’m busy. I’m still a human being at the end of the day though, so I still don’t take advantage of every moment with Drew, but many times, I quickly adjust, remembering that I should have two sons who are alive and healthy now with a third on the way, instead of having one two year old, one with Jesus, and one who has not entered the world yet…

Things will be different this time my friends. I can’t wait to meet Asher. I already love him to death. It’s going to be fun. We are trusting in God, especially when those insecurities become insurmountable as they so often do. You can imagine the uncertainty that always fills Ashlee’s mind. But God is faithful and we are resting in His hope and grace.

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